


show me the sidestreets in your life

by soulfriend



Series: from the ground up [1]
Category: New Mutants (Comics), X-Force (Comics), X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: In between moments, M/M, Oblivious Pining, Scars, Tension, hurt/comfort kinda, minor existential crisis, talking about death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:00:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23895703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soulfriend/pseuds/soulfriend
Summary: Sam lifted his arms over his head, tugging his shirt off, and Roberto noticed something that made his heart jump, panicked, in his chest: in the low lighting, he could make out faded yet prominent scratch marks across Sam’s stomach.Just what had happened to his best friend while he’d been away?
Relationships: Roberto da Costa/Sam Guthrie
Series: from the ground up [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1731247
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	show me the sidestreets in your life

“Ah, finally,” Roberto sighed upon entering the cool room, flopping onto his bed dramatically. They had been out in the hot desert sun for hours, working on repairs, and Sam and Roberto had gone inside to put on some fresh clothes and cool off. They didn’t bother to turn on the lights in their room, except for the lamp that Sam kept by his bed; the darkness was easy on their eyes after hours in the sun.

Sam lifted his arms over his head, tugging his shirt off, and Roberto noticed something that made his heart jump, panicked, in his chest: in the low lighting, he could make out faded yet prominent scratch marks across Sam’s stomach. Sam turned around, rummaging for a new shirt that wasn’t sweat-soaked, and Roberto slowly approached him from behind. There was the familiar spear mark decorating his upper back that had almost faded completely since their New Mutants days. Roberto’s eyes traveled slightly downward, and he noticed a faint stab-mark in the center of Sam’s back, one he didn’t recognize, and his worry increased tenfold. Just what had happened to his best friend while he’d been away?

Sam turned back around, clean shirt in hand, and jumped slightly at Roberto’s suddenly close proximity. “Woah! Hey.”

Roberto ran a hand across Sam’s stomach, feeling the bumps and ridges, the smoothness of newly formed skin. “What happened?” His heart skipped again as his eyes wandered up to Sam’s chest and he saw another scar he hadn’t noticed before. It was in roughly the same place as the one on his back, as if Sam had been impaled straight through. “Fuck,” Roberto whispered. He moved his hand up to trace the outline of the scar on his chest. Sam drew in a sharp breath.

He kept his hand there, felt Sam exhale. Roberto could feel the faint beat of his heart. “Found m’self on the wrong side of a training session with Feral. She can be… a lot.” The blond let out a nervous laugh, but Roberto didn’t follow.

“Yeah, that explains the cat scratches. What about this?” He ran his fingers gently over Sam’s chest again. “As far as I know, Feral’s claws can’t do that.” He brought his eyes up to meet Sam’s. “Don’t you dare lie to me to spare my feelings, Guthrie.” Sam looked away, a faint blush tinting his cheeks. Roberto knew him too well at times.

“I… uh.” Sam swallowed. Paused. Wouldn’t meet Roberto’s eyes. “I died.”

“ _ What?!” _ Roberto didn’t yell; it was more of a fierce whisper. His head spun. “How… why haven’t you told me about this?” His best friend, dead, and no one had bothered to inform him?

“It was like you said. I didn’t want you to worry,” Sam said. Roberto could hear his voice trembling slightly.

“Sam, I worry more when I show back up here, and suddenly you have all these scars that you didn’t have before, and you don’t tell me what happened.”

Sam sighed. “I guess that’s fair.”

They were silent for a moment. Roberto realized his hand was still on Sam’s chest and drew it away quickly, feeling his cheeks flush and hoping Sam hadn’t noticed. He swallowed, and heard Sam take another deep breath.

“So, um.” Roberto had the slightest ounce of hesitation, but then the words came tumbling out of his mouth. “What did it feel like? You know, uh. Dying.”

Sam sat down on his bed, running his own fingers across the scar. “I guess it felt… warm?” he answered softly. Oh. Roberto suddenly felt like crying. “See, I was flying, and then I felt this… dullness, in my chest, and then…” A pause. “Nothing.”

Roberto sat down next to Sam on his bed, put his head in his hands. Tried to process all this. Sam’s soft Kentucky twang cut through the silence again. “It all happened so fast, and I feel like… there was so much I wanted to say, y’know? I wasn’t ready, I was too young, not like this…” He trailed off.

“My God, Sam,” Roberto murmured. He tried to come up with something else to say. He couldn’t.

“We spend all this time telling ourselves we’re ready to die, but when it comes down to it, we aren’t. Not even close.” He heard Sam sniffle. “We’re just kids, ‘Berto. I was s’posed to go to college. On a scholarship, too. But because of what we are, we’re forced to face death at nineteen years old?” Sam shook his head, the anger spilling through his voice. “It’s not right.”

“I know,” Roberto murmured, rubbing Sam’s back comfortingly. “God, I know.” They were silent once more, but Roberto knew what they were both thinking: some of them didn’t even make it that long.

His head started to spin again at the thought, and Roberto found himself absentmindedly running his hand down Sam’s arm next to him, just to feel something familiar, to anchor himself to something real. He didn’t think about how he felt, or the fact that Sam did a miniscule jolt, then relaxed into the touch. Things to examine later.

“Sam! ‘Berto!” The two of them jumped in unison at Tabby’s harsh voice from down the hall. “You’re taking fucking _forever_! What’re you nerds doing in there?” A second of pause, then Sam abruptly stood up, clearing his throat and aimlessly looking around for his fresh shirt before realizing it was still next to Roberto on the bed. Sam leaned over to grab it-- he smelled like sweat and lavender shampoo-- and Roberto directed his gaze at nothing in particular.

Tabby’s holler sounded through the halls again. “Oh my  _ God, _ will one of you answer?” Sam rolled his eyes, and Roberto smiled at him. Back to their normal rhythm.

“Coming, Tabs!” Roberto yelled in a sing-song voice. He and Sam wandered back out into the daylight, as if nothing had happened, and Roberto briefly wondered-- as he always did-- how long they could keep doing this. He pushed the thought to the side, as he always did.

There was much work to do on building themselves a home.

**Author's Note:**

> issues referenced: x-force #2 (the training session) & #7-9 (sam dies)  
> come yell at me on tumblr [@samberto](https://samberto.tumblr.com)


End file.
